Thursday, July 29, 2010

Let's be honest.

I write this post tonight with tears streaming down my face.

I somehow thought that this birthday would be a little easier than the last. But let's be honest, I think it might be a little harder.

"The child was born as a little girl with weight of 2.5kg on July 31, 2008 at 18:38. She is a cute child with clear-cut features. For the better future of the child, the birth mother sincerely hoped to put the child up for adoption. She is promised to grow up as a nice and healthy child if she can be provided with love and concern."

Two years have now passed since this birth mother made probably the hardest decision in her life. And while we celebrate our family of four and prepare for our beautiful daughter's birthday, I cannot help but think of that woman across the world who thinks of this day very differently. I want her to know that I am thinking of her and wishing her peace. This post is to honor her.

It is very clear that for other reasons, Seon-Mi's birth mother is near and dear to my heart as there is yet another woman across the world who has now had 28 birthdays thinking of the daughter she gave birth to.

One thing I was dedicated to during the adoption process was keeping a detailed journal of my feelings and events that were happening as we awaited the arrival of our daughter.

On January 29, 2009, just a little over a month after receiving our referral, this is what I wrote:

"Lately, to pass the time waiting for baby Zoey to come home, I've read a lot of books. One was book about an open adoption, where the birth mother chose the adoptive family from a profile they viewed through an attorney. In each profile was a letter titled "Dear Birth Mother". Though our precious daughter was referred to us formally through an agency, I wondered what our "Dear Birth Mother" letter would say. So, I've decided to write one.

Dear Birth Mother,

All I know of you is written on one page given to us by our adoption agency. I don't know your name; I don't know what city you live in, when your birthday is or what you do for a living. And I probably never will.

I do know that you had a beautiful 5.5lb baby girl on July 31, 2008 at 6:38pm in a maternity clinic after 40 weeks of pregnancy. I do know that you decided to give her up for adoption and that you named her Seon-Mi.

And for that reason, I will somehow know you for the rest of my life.

First, let me say thank you. It seems as though there would be something better to say to you after giving me your child. Maybe telling you that I am eternally grateful for this very unselfish and brave decision you have made.

I cannot promise you that I will be the world's best mother to Seon-Mi or do everything right. I cannot promise you that she will never be sad or angry, or hurt. I cannot promise you she will never be picked on at school, or that she will be liked by everyone. I cannot promise you that she will be a college graduate, or meet the man of her dreams, or have children of her own.

I cannot promise you that Seon-Mi will never forget you.

What I can promise you is this. I promise to be the best mother I can be to her. I promise to raise her to be kind, polite, respectful and a hard worker. I promise to teach her strong values so that she will make good decisions in her life. I promise to feed, clothe and provide for her. I promise she will get what she needs to become the best person she can be. I promise she will laugh and cry, sing and dance, learn and grow. I promise she will always be dressed cute and have a hair bow and shoes to match!

I promise to love her unconditionally for eternity.

One day, Seon-Mi will ask about you and I will read to her the information that I have. I don't know if it will make her feel better or worse. But I know we both just want her to be happy and if the time comes that she wants to search for you, I will help her. I will also tell her just how brave and courageous you are. I will her how grateful I am to you.

And so, mother to mother, I thank you. May you never regret your decision and may you have the comfort in knowing that Seon-Mi has found her family, and she will always have two mothers."

I wish one day that Zoey's birth mother will be able to read this. And as the second anniversary of the birth of this precious child approaches, I hope she finds peace and comfort as we celebrate Seon-Mi's short, but very full, life so far.

평화가 함께 하시길
Peace be with you.


  1. What a beautiful letter! We just wrote a letter to Max's birth mother last night (as part of our post placement report) and it was SO HARD to write. Too much to say and no way to find the words. But you did a beautiful job.

  2. Wow... this is amazing! We actually had to write a letter to the birth mother to accompany our HS, but this blows ours right out of the water. Beautiful!

  3. Thanks for sharing. We had to write to the birth parents as part of our HS, too. Yours is so beautiful.
    It's funny how adopting makes me appreciate my story so much more. I think I always took it for granted (strangely enough).

  4. I think that the graditude you expressed is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever come across. With empathy like that your children are bound to be much better off. I aplod your feelings, and wish that everyone may have the opertunity to learn to feel just as deeply.

  5. Such a beautiful post and a beautiful letter to your daughter's birth mother. Of course I am crying now.

  6. Kim, you have such a wonderful way of putting into words what I'm sure all of us adoptive moms feel. I truly had goosebumps reading this. It is an absolutely beautifully written letter.

  7. Such a beautiful post and letter. Thanks for sharing. We wrote a letter as part of our home study as well - it was very difficult to write. I pray that one day she'll read that (and those that I write once we know our child).

    Happy Birthday Zoey!

  8. Wow- what a beautiful letter Kim!

  9. I don't have any adopted children.
    But I do have to tell you that that is the most beautiful letter I have ever read. Especially since it is to her birth mother. It brought me to tears.
    Blessings to you all.